Tuesday, January 1, 2013

cent's 2013 manifesto

(it's after the end of the world. don't you know that yet..?)

may as well get this one out of the way super-early, like, since i'm full almost to bursting at present with planned blog activity - blogtivity if you please - and meantime the bits and pieces in various states of partial completion are being held up by (what's now) the new year. in all seriousness, as a classic example of double-booked thinking, i'd thought that i could still finish and post the italian gtm article on monday night, without having taken stock of the fact that this was also new year's eve, and me in a house with (now) a four year-old daughter who had insisted she was gonna be able to stay awake until midnight to see "the fireworks" (in actuality this was limited to a handful of tiny explosions in the distance, visible above neighbouring roofs - and the rather outrageously lavish display on london's south bank, seen on tv!) - no blogging time for me, in the end. once she finally conked out, i was too knackered myself to attempt anything at all except a bit of borderline vegetation.

but today, well, that has been the beginning of the next cycle, or whatever the hell this is (now that nothing happened - probably - definitely - supposedly - whothefuckknows anyway). whether we like it or not, for many people there has been a question mark hanging over the last year, and it's officially gone now. and in my case, just by confluence of energies and not prompted by the non-events of friday 21st in the slightest, i want 2013 to be a bit of a breakout year. i am, like, ready to rejoin the human race. that's been a long time coming and it does get quite cold out here, i must say. useful perspective(s), no doubting that, but very cold... after a while you don't feel as if you could ever really remember what it's like to warm up. (but this is what falling off the wagon did for me... don't know what to tell you about that, it's just the way it is.) well, i now almost feel as i should be introducing myself in (alcoholic) self-acknowledgement mode: my name is hal charles and i have asperger syndrome.

whatever that means, right... not necessarily that much... which is after all how i got as far as age 42 without ever being given such a diagnosis, thought it became pretty clear when i looked into it a few years back; but then nothing useful came of it and i forgot about it again. thing is, without ever particularly feeling the need for a label (and especially not that one!), i have recently looked back across my life thus far and seen how that undiagnosed set of preferences and habits does actually colour so much of it, and when it comes to my interactions with other people, well... hmmm. the point is, i never wanted it to work out that way. driven to isolation, compelled to stick with it... never intentionally wanted it. now, i'm used to keeping my own company from a young age so i can cope with it, but i would actually prefer to be a bit more directly involved. one way or another, i have to find a way to do that. this year is when i intend to start.

what does that mean for the music? hahaha, the fucking braxtothon, hung that round my own neck didn't i... still intend to press on with it though. at some point. first... other stuff to clear up from the last couple of weeks' ruminations, some of it dealing with this delightful trinket which i didn't know existed until about ten days ago... even my daughter liked that one (ok, she heard about two minutes of it. fwiw she won't tolerate heavy metal though, not yet anyway..!) but, me being me, i was not so easily satisfied and there's plenty to say about the album. what else... ah, just bits and pieces, let's hope i actually deliver on my teases for a change ;-)  but music continues to be one of the things which reminds me most often that being human is actually not such a bad thing (parenthood? that's nowhere near as straightforward!) and if i am able to communicate some of what i feel and think about it, i can only believe that it's of inherent (and hopefully lasting) value to do that. if it brings me back into contact with more fellow humans... perhaps at last i am ready for that..!

happy new year everybody {{{{''@@@'}'}'}'}


McClintic Sphere said...

I've had that old bit of Sun Ra kicking around my head for the past 10 days or so... Thanks, cent, for (perhaps somewhat predictably) being in a similar head-space. (If you are not a myth, whose reality are you? If you are not a reality, whose myth are you?) Or happy new year.

Just checked in this morning and found all the new posts... too much to catch up with all at once, but it's great to hear you writing again, in good voice, and seemingly having fun.

Best of luck to you, as ever. And thanks for all the work you put in. Put out? Anyway.
McC. S.

centrifuge said...

heh, cheers my man :-D

happy new year to you too! more posts on the way...

McClintic Sphere said...

Just saw this, so thought I'd pass along word.


Looking forward to it.

McC. S.

centrifuge said...

thanks for the heads-up man, i will be sure to check that out and will mention it in a post! c x